Networking feels awkward when it is treated as asking a stranger to hand you a job. A better starting point is curiosity. People are more comfortable sharing context, experience and advice than staking their reputation on someone they have never met.
THE SHORT ANSWER
Network by choosing relevant people, using a genuine point of connection, asking one specific and answerable question, and following up with gratitude or useful context. Build familiarity before requesting a referral, and make any referral request easy to decline.
What to remember
- Ask for perspective before asking for access.
- Personalise around shared work, not empty compliments.
- Track conversations and follow through on advice.
Start near, then expand
List former colleagues, classmates, clients, vendors and community members. Ask about teams, problems and hiring patterns related to your target role.
Warm context does not guarantee a referral. It simply makes a useful conversation more likely.
Write the first message
Use four parts: connection, relevance, one question and an easy exit. ‘I saw you moved from agency analytics into product. I am considering a similar shift. What proof mattered most when you interviewed? No pressure if now is busy.’
This is easier to answer than ‘Can you guide me?’ or an immediate resume attachment.
Earn the referral question
When someone knows your work or has had a meaningful conversation, ask whether the role appears aligned. If yes, ask whether they would be comfortable referring you.
Share the job link and a short fit summary. Never write the endorsement for them or create pressure.
Keep the relationship real
Thank people, report what their advice changed and offer relevant help when you can. Do not disappear immediately after the referral.
A useful network grows from repeated professional generosity, not a burst of transactions during unemployment.
PUT IT INTO PRACTICE
Found a role worth chasing?
Compare the job with your actual resume. See the proof, the gaps and the next fix before you apply.
Check my fit →QUICK ANSWERS
Frequently asked questions
How do I ask for a referral?
Briefly explain the role and relevant proof, then ask whether the person feels comfortable referring you. Give them an easy way to decline.
Should I attach my resume in the first message?
Usually wait until it is relevant or requested. An unsolicited attachment can make a simple conversation feel like work.
How many people should I contact?
Choose a sustainable weekly number, such as five thoughtful messages, and prioritise relevance over volume.